I’ve often been asked if the order of the phases in the first step of ROAR is important. To remind you, the three phases in ROAR Step 1 are Feel Your Feelings, Find the Good, and Choose a Direction. People wonder if they have to completely finish feeling their feelings before they find the good or choose a direction.
The Simple Answer: No
The simple answer to this question is no, you do not need to completely finish each phase before moving to the next. In fact, one of the ways that you’ll know you are approaching the end of the first phase is that you’ll start seeing the bright side of things. When you start thinking “I’m glad this happened now,” rather than “I’m so upset this happened,” you’re starting to move into finding the good.
Similarly, while you’re looking over the details of your experience to find the good, you may find yourself responding with thoughts of how you could take advantage of the experience. You’re starting to move into choosing a direction.
Complete All Phases of ROAR Step 1
The barriers between phase 1 and phase 2 of ROAR Step 1 are somewhat porous. So are the barriers between phase 2 and phase 3. However, you don’t want to shift between phase 1 and phase 3. There is some important work going on in your brain as you move between phase 1 and phase 2, and between phase 2 and phase 3. If you skip from phase 1 directly to phase 3, you won’t be doing that work. Your choice of direction will be fueled by emotion rather than effective problem solving.
Even if you move smoothly from phase 1 to phase 2, then from phase 2 to phase 3, something further may come up. As your thinking about the direction you’ll be taking, you may remember additional details of your experience. A wave of fresh emotion may sweep over you. And suddenly, you’re back in phase 1.
Acknowledge the emotion. Admit its validity. Give yourself permission to honestly experience it. And it will fade away. The average emotion lasts no more than a minute and a half. That’s the length of 3 television commercials. Unless you do something to make the emotion persist, such as wallowing, ruminating, or resisting, it’ll be over in less time than a standard prime time commercial break. And you can pick up where you left off in phase 3.
